Saturday, April 2

What a beautiful, sunny day!

It has been a crazy week. The final word on my treatment plan is five weeks of daily external radiation (M-F), with chemo once a week during that time (we're going to try Fridays). Those five weeks will be followed by 4-5 treatments of internal radiation, God-willing, which is (thankfully) under anesthesia and done twice/week. I have had quite a lot of nausea lately and I'm sleeping a lot, so I'm glad it's a weekend. But I only took two days of sick leave this past week, so that's good. I want to keep working as much as I can. I will need to experiment with the drugs  a little and see what works the best. I might have to try something else for the nausea. I'm wondering now why I was in such a hurry to start treatment. It seems like a long road ahead of me, but I'm going to take it one day at a time and continue to trust God to provide for me and comfort me.

A good word for me today: Jesus says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life . . . do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (from Matthew 6)

It's difficult to stay encouraged, hopeful, and even to think clearly when I don't feel good. But I'm determined to depend on God. Isaiah continues to be a blessing to me. This passage was so meaningful to me this week, as I continue on this unfamiliar path, wondering what the next few weeks will bring:

 ¹⁰ Who among you fears the LORD
   and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
   who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
   and rely on their God.
¹¹ But now, all you who light fires
   and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
   and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
   You will lie down in torment.

We are all prone to light our own torches and walk in the light of our fires, but, in the end, it leads only to despair. I choose to walk in the light of Jesus, who said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12)

May that light sustain my family and me during this difficult time. And may I realize that I am living in the light, no matter how I feel or what my circumstances are. Better to be in dire circumstances and walking in God's light than to walk in my own light in favorable circumstances!

Praise Him!