I had a wonderful Easter weekend with my family. All five of my children were home, and all but three of the grandkids were here. Church was wonderful (especially with so many of my family members there--what a blessing!).
And I received a special gift from the Lord (all good gifts are from above, right?). My doctor postponed my Friday chemo until Monday (tomorrow morning), so I felt very close to normal all weekend. First time I have had an appetite for more than a week! It was wonderful (even though I think I overdid it a little). We played a game of baseball (well, actually wiffle ball works better for our family--that way there is a little less chance of windows being broken or having the ball hit into the next town : ) We had our traditional Easter egg hunt with clues for the grandkids.
Everything was wonderful--and, with all my heart, I thank my family for this weekend and I thank all those who have been praying and continue to pray for me. I hope you all had a blessed Easter weekend. I feel strengthened for the week ahead.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Monday, April 18
I had chemo again on Friday and had a pretty rough weekend. I did, however, make it to church on Palm Sunday (love waving those palms!). Church was so good--great music, great message by Paster Randy, part of which was about how pragmatism doesn't work. Thought-provoking..I like it when he makes us think. And I especially like the way he never fails to lift up God's Word as the ultimate Truth. (It's the main thing--and, as someone said, "the main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing"!)
Decided to stay home today and rest. Ken drove me to Fargo and back for radiation treatment. Tomorrow I will feel better and will stay in Fargo Tues-Wed-Thurs, God-willing. Then chemo on Friday (my 4th of 6). I am thinking of trying acupuncture this week. A friend told me she has it after chemo and it seems to help her feel better. I guess it doesn't hurt to try it once. I am asking the Lord to grant me some extra energy this weekend, since I received the terrific news that all my kids and their families are coming for Easter weekend! Can't wait! And even more, they are bringing all the food. Ken said if I don't feel well, I can just lay in my bed and hold court : ) (not that I'm the queen or anything).
I haven't been eating very well, but just had part of a Paula's roast beef dinner plate. If you haven't eaten at Paula's restaurant in Mayville, you're in for a treat if you ever get the chance. Although nothing has appealed to me lately, the roast beef and mashed potatoes were really good.
I wish I were stronger, but this is a time I need to trust God more than ever. And I need to embrace this time where I am forced to slow down and to depend on God and others and not so much on myself. It is true that we grow so accustomed to being self-sufficient that it is a difficult thing to become very dependent on God to take us through a difficult time. I think (and surely it's true) the whole self-sufficiency thing is really just an illusion, anyway, but it's a powerful one. Maybe this is God's way of getting me to realize that I'm not as strong as I think I am and to acknowledge I am not my own person, but it is "in Him I live and move and have my being" (Acts 17:28).
May it be to me as it was for Paul:
2 Corinthians 12:9: But he [God] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
I keep receiving cards and good wishes, and I know so many are praying for me. What a blessing!
May you have a blessed Easter week!
Decided to stay home today and rest. Ken drove me to Fargo and back for radiation treatment. Tomorrow I will feel better and will stay in Fargo Tues-Wed-Thurs, God-willing. Then chemo on Friday (my 4th of 6). I am thinking of trying acupuncture this week. A friend told me she has it after chemo and it seems to help her feel better. I guess it doesn't hurt to try it once. I am asking the Lord to grant me some extra energy this weekend, since I received the terrific news that all my kids and their families are coming for Easter weekend! Can't wait! And even more, they are bringing all the food. Ken said if I don't feel well, I can just lay in my bed and hold court : ) (not that I'm the queen or anything).
I haven't been eating very well, but just had part of a Paula's roast beef dinner plate. If you haven't eaten at Paula's restaurant in Mayville, you're in for a treat if you ever get the chance. Although nothing has appealed to me lately, the roast beef and mashed potatoes were really good.
I wish I were stronger, but this is a time I need to trust God more than ever. And I need to embrace this time where I am forced to slow down and to depend on God and others and not so much on myself. It is true that we grow so accustomed to being self-sufficient that it is a difficult thing to become very dependent on God to take us through a difficult time. I think (and surely it's true) the whole self-sufficiency thing is really just an illusion, anyway, but it's a powerful one. Maybe this is God's way of getting me to realize that I'm not as strong as I think I am and to acknowledge I am not my own person, but it is "in Him I live and move and have my being" (Acts 17:28).
May it be to me as it was for Paul:
2 Corinthians 12:9: But he [God] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
I keep receiving cards and good wishes, and I know so many are praying for me. What a blessing!
May you have a blessed Easter week!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Today
God is gracious--I'm feeling better today. And I woke up with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all He has done, especially how He has provided me with friends and family to hold me up. Sometimes that support seems almost tangible to me.
Praise Him!
Praise Him!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Some thoughts about the unseen world..
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 5:16-18
Pastor Randy posted this passage on my Facebook page, and I have been thinking about it, wondering why so many people today seem to be either uninterested in the Bible and the (unseen) God of the Bible or hostile towards God and/or His Word. Yet our culture is so consumed with all things unseen, especially supernatural and fantastic.
* Ghost, medium, and psychic TV shows
* Psychic phone lines and fortune tellers
* Horror movies, adventure movies, fantasy movies, often with Biblical allusions/themes
* Apocalyptic dramas, usually with Biblical allusions/themes
* Fantasy movies (where light and good must triumph against dark and evil, also required for most action and adventure movies)
* Ghost clubs where people get together and explore “supernatural” haunts
* Adult novels and documentaries
* Children’s books (remember the wildly popular Goosebumps books?)
* Role-playing games—video, Internet, and otherwise
The list goes on and on. So where does this fascination come from? I think it’s hard-wired into us; I think that deep down inside our very beings, we know there is much more to our world than what we can see, hear, feel, smell, touch. I believe the above list is evidence that we all have an innate longing to know and understand more about the unseen world that we sense exists, to believe that we were not just made to experience this world with our sensory perceptions, but that there is purpose and meaning here on earth, for us as individuals, that is connected to a very real unseen world. It has always been interesting to me how people who buy into the idea of meaninglessness (which is where every road eventually leads to when the objective existence of absolute truth is not acknowledged) yet live their lives with purpose and meaning (albeit, sometimes their purpose is to convince the rest of us there is no meaning or purpose in life). Without the foundation of absolute truth we can have no grounds for morals, i.e., saying anything is good or bad.
I am partial to Ravi Zacharias and listen to his podcasts. He is asked to speak at universities often, and he tells a story of going to one and being taken on a campus tour of grounds and buildings. They came to one building that he was told was an experiment in architecture. The architect attempted to build a building that would exemplify our postmodern culture. It was built in a chaotic, random way—beams that held nothing up, stairways that went nowhere, halls that were dead-ends or circular—no rhyme or reason. Ravi simply asked whether the foundation of the building was built in the same way.
From the beginning of time, humans have questioned their existence and worked incessantly to make sense of it all through science and religion and so many pursuits of knowledge. And our inner life, minds and souls, are too much a part of us to limit those pursuits to the knowledge of the world we can see and touch. (Actually, it’s our elusive inner selves that engage in those pursuits.) We seek answers about the things we cannot see as well as the things we can see.
With all these questions and longings, it is a wonder to me more people don’t look to the Bible for answers. Still the most popular book on earth, the Holy Bible seems like a logical place to at least investigate. Anyone who has ever read Romans, closely or not, cannot say the Bible is light reading. And talk about ghost stories, action, adventure, romance, horror, prophecy—it’s all there and more. And the Bible is our link between the seen and the unseen world.
As Christians, we recognize the truth of the entire Bible. Jesus knew the scriptures (Old Testament) thoroughly and quoted them often. He applied the scriptures to himself (in Luke 4:18- to himself, claiming he was fulfilling prophecy). God’s Word was the basis, foundation for Jesus’ teachings and for his very life. He did not criticize it or try to change the scriptures, although he surely had issues with some of the ways it was interpreted and taught to the people. Christ spoke the truth (I wonder how many times he began a statement with, “I tell you the truth, . . .”), but, in Himself, he embodies the entirety of God’s True Word. He was/is the Word (from the 1st chapter of John, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God . . . The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.”) And He is the Truth: He says in John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life.”
It is the Holy Spirit who guides us into truth and who quickens our hearts to receive the truth of the Word of God, to make it come alive to us. Maybe it’s that very truth and power that keeps us away from the Word. Seeking to know God is a struggle. The Old Testament is the story of the Israelites’ struggle with God; in fact, the name Israel means “struggles with God.” God’s dealings with the Israelites teaches us much about God and ourselves, and their story is intricately linked to ours.
I am so grateful for God’s Word!
Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.
--from Psalm 19
7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
and all of them are righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
11 By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
II Timothy 3:16
16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness..
Pastor Randy posted this passage on my Facebook page, and I have been thinking about it, wondering why so many people today seem to be either uninterested in the Bible and the (unseen) God of the Bible or hostile towards God and/or His Word. Yet our culture is so consumed with all things unseen, especially supernatural and fantastic.
* Ghost, medium, and psychic TV shows
* Psychic phone lines and fortune tellers
* Horror movies, adventure movies, fantasy movies, often with Biblical allusions/themes
* Apocalyptic dramas, usually with Biblical allusions/themes
* Fantasy movies (where light and good must triumph against dark and evil, also required for most action and adventure movies)
* Ghost clubs where people get together and explore “supernatural” haunts
* Adult novels and documentaries
* Children’s books (remember the wildly popular Goosebumps books?)
* Role-playing games—video, Internet, and otherwise
The list goes on and on. So where does this fascination come from? I think it’s hard-wired into us; I think that deep down inside our very beings, we know there is much more to our world than what we can see, hear, feel, smell, touch. I believe the above list is evidence that we all have an innate longing to know and understand more about the unseen world that we sense exists, to believe that we were not just made to experience this world with our sensory perceptions, but that there is purpose and meaning here on earth, for us as individuals, that is connected to a very real unseen world. It has always been interesting to me how people who buy into the idea of meaninglessness (which is where every road eventually leads to when the objective existence of absolute truth is not acknowledged) yet live their lives with purpose and meaning (albeit, sometimes their purpose is to convince the rest of us there is no meaning or purpose in life). Without the foundation of absolute truth we can have no grounds for morals, i.e., saying anything is good or bad.
I am partial to Ravi Zacharias and listen to his podcasts. He is asked to speak at universities often, and he tells a story of going to one and being taken on a campus tour of grounds and buildings. They came to one building that he was told was an experiment in architecture. The architect attempted to build a building that would exemplify our postmodern culture. It was built in a chaotic, random way—beams that held nothing up, stairways that went nowhere, halls that were dead-ends or circular—no rhyme or reason. Ravi simply asked whether the foundation of the building was built in the same way.
From the beginning of time, humans have questioned their existence and worked incessantly to make sense of it all through science and religion and so many pursuits of knowledge. And our inner life, minds and souls, are too much a part of us to limit those pursuits to the knowledge of the world we can see and touch. (Actually, it’s our elusive inner selves that engage in those pursuits.) We seek answers about the things we cannot see as well as the things we can see.
With all these questions and longings, it is a wonder to me more people don’t look to the Bible for answers. Still the most popular book on earth, the Holy Bible seems like a logical place to at least investigate. Anyone who has ever read Romans, closely or not, cannot say the Bible is light reading. And talk about ghost stories, action, adventure, romance, horror, prophecy—it’s all there and more. And the Bible is our link between the seen and the unseen world.
As Christians, we recognize the truth of the entire Bible. Jesus knew the scriptures (Old Testament) thoroughly and quoted them often. He applied the scriptures to himself (in Luke 4:18- to himself, claiming he was fulfilling prophecy). God’s Word was the basis, foundation for Jesus’ teachings and for his very life. He did not criticize it or try to change the scriptures, although he surely had issues with some of the ways it was interpreted and taught to the people. Christ spoke the truth (I wonder how many times he began a statement with, “I tell you the truth, . . .”), but, in Himself, he embodies the entirety of God’s True Word. He was/is the Word (from the 1st chapter of John, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God . . . The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.”) And He is the Truth: He says in John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life.”
It is the Holy Spirit who guides us into truth and who quickens our hearts to receive the truth of the Word of God, to make it come alive to us. Maybe it’s that very truth and power that keeps us away from the Word. Seeking to know God is a struggle. The Old Testament is the story of the Israelites’ struggle with God; in fact, the name Israel means “struggles with God.” God’s dealings with the Israelites teaches us much about God and ourselves, and their story is intricately linked to ours.
I am so grateful for God’s Word!
Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.
--from Psalm 19
7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
and all of them are righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
11 By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
II Timothy 3:16
16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness..
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Update
A whole week has passed since I have posted here. It’s been a busy week. I worked at NDSU every day except Friday. The daily trips to Sanford for radiation treatment aren’t very taxing—the radiation itself only takes around 10 minutes, and I don’t find it difficult to lay still for 10 minutes and do nothing. The nurses and technicians are wonderful, as is everyone at the Roger Maris Cancer Center—always going the extra mile, it seems, taking the time to ask me how things are going and answering any questions I have, filling prescriptions. They even have a greeter at the door to welcome people and open doors.
I had some problems with nausea last week—it was worse for a couple of days than for the rest of the week. So the doctor gave me more meds for nausea in my I-V and also has me taking two steroids today and tomorrow (so, of course, I'm working on a long, somewhat disjointed blog post that people may or may not want to read : ) Really, they said, every week of treatment is different as my body responds to the treatment. Some of the effects are cumulative, but they should leave once I stop treatment.
So I’m feeling positive today: 4 more chemo treatments and 4 more weeks of external radiation, then 2 weeks of internal radiation. My blood counts are good (don't know exactly what that means, but it sounds good).
And, of course, the most important thing is that I have God walking right beside me--actually, not just beside me, but above me, below me, all around me, and inside me. Praise Him!
Piece of cake, right?
Thanks to all for everything--prayers, good wishes, hugs, food, cards, flowers (beautiful) fresh flowers delivered to my house this morning from the IT Division at NDSU, and prayers.
I had some problems with nausea last week—it was worse for a couple of days than for the rest of the week. So the doctor gave me more meds for nausea in my I-V and also has me taking two steroids today and tomorrow (so, of course, I'm working on a long, somewhat disjointed blog post that people may or may not want to read : ) Really, they said, every week of treatment is different as my body responds to the treatment. Some of the effects are cumulative, but they should leave once I stop treatment.
So I’m feeling positive today: 4 more chemo treatments and 4 more weeks of external radiation, then 2 weeks of internal radiation. My blood counts are good (don't know exactly what that means, but it sounds good).
And, of course, the most important thing is that I have God walking right beside me--actually, not just beside me, but above me, below me, all around me, and inside me. Praise Him!
Piece of cake, right?
Thanks to all for everything--prayers, good wishes, hugs, food, cards, flowers (beautiful) fresh flowers delivered to my house this morning from the IT Division at NDSU, and prayers.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Isaiah 54:10
10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Saturday, April 2
What a beautiful, sunny day!
It has been a crazy week. The final word on my treatment plan is five weeks of daily external radiation (M-F), with chemo once a week during that time (we're going to try Fridays). Those five weeks will be followed by 4-5 treatments of internal radiation, God-willing, which is (thankfully) under anesthesia and done twice/week. I have had quite a lot of nausea lately and I'm sleeping a lot, so I'm glad it's a weekend. But I only took two days of sick leave this past week, so that's good. I want to keep working as much as I can. I will need to experiment with the drugs a little and see what works the best. I might have to try something else for the nausea. I'm wondering now why I was in such a hurry to start treatment. It seems like a long road ahead of me, but I'm going to take it one day at a time and continue to trust God to provide for me and comfort me.
A good word for me today: Jesus says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life . . . do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (from Matthew 6)
It's difficult to stay encouraged, hopeful, and even to think clearly when I don't feel good. But I'm determined to depend on God. Isaiah continues to be a blessing to me. This passage was so meaningful to me this week, as I continue on this unfamiliar path, wondering what the next few weeks will bring:
May that light sustain my family and me during this difficult time. And may I realize that I am living in the light, no matter how I feel or what my circumstances are. Better to be in dire circumstances and walking in God's light than to walk in my own light in favorable circumstances!
Praise Him!
It has been a crazy week. The final word on my treatment plan is five weeks of daily external radiation (M-F), with chemo once a week during that time (we're going to try Fridays). Those five weeks will be followed by 4-5 treatments of internal radiation, God-willing, which is (thankfully) under anesthesia and done twice/week. I have had quite a lot of nausea lately and I'm sleeping a lot, so I'm glad it's a weekend. But I only took two days of sick leave this past week, so that's good. I want to keep working as much as I can. I will need to experiment with the drugs a little and see what works the best. I might have to try something else for the nausea. I'm wondering now why I was in such a hurry to start treatment. It seems like a long road ahead of me, but I'm going to take it one day at a time and continue to trust God to provide for me and comfort me.
A good word for me today: Jesus says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life . . . do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (from Matthew 6)
It's difficult to stay encouraged, hopeful, and even to think clearly when I don't feel good. But I'm determined to depend on God. Isaiah continues to be a blessing to me. This passage was so meaningful to me this week, as I continue on this unfamiliar path, wondering what the next few weeks will bring:
10 Who among you fears the LORDWe are all prone to light our own torches and walk in the light of our fires, but, in the end, it leads only to despair. I choose to walk in the light of Jesus, who said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12)
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on their God.
11 But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.
May that light sustain my family and me during this difficult time. And may I realize that I am living in the light, no matter how I feel or what my circumstances are. Better to be in dire circumstances and walking in God's light than to walk in my own light in favorable circumstances!
Praise Him!
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