Anticipating Family Camp

Ken and I are going to go to Family (Bible) camp at Inspiration Point Camp this weekend. I think this is our eleventh year in a row, and we have always brought grandchildren along with us. Kayla (our granddaughter) was 3 the first time we attended camp. She hasn't missed a year; this year, she is 13 and coming with us again. Alex, who is 12, is coming, too. Marcus just turned 19, and I guess he has decided he's too old to come with us anymore. I'll miss him; it will be a little quiet. (Marcus always kept things lively!) I hope Ellie, Isaiah, and Sophia can join us next year. (Might need a mom along with that many, though.)

Family camp is just a few short days out of the year—a Thursday night until Sunday noon, always (for us) around the 4^th of July. It goes fast. But I remember once when I was thinking about what some of my favorite days (of my life) might be, I realized some of my much loved days have been spent at Family camp. Those times really are memories I treasure and always will. So many memories...

Kayla was young..I think it was our first year at Inspiration Point (we stayed in a tent, much to the chagrin of Ken—no more tents after that). Each year the camp has what they call the Christ Hike. The Christ Hike takes place in the evening, and camp staff members dress up and act out highlights from the time of Jesus' ministry, beginning with his baptism (that takes place in the lake) and ending with his death on the cross and finally, his resurrection. Campers and others who attend (the public is invited)--perhaps around a couple of hundred of us--follow Jesus and his disciples and other members of the cast around the camp, as they act out various scenes as depicted in the Bible--the miracle of feeding thousands with a little bread and fish; Jesus saving the adulterous woman (always makes me cry), Jesus in the garden and before Pilate, etc. We even participate, as at one point, we become the crowd calling "Hosanna" and waving palm branches as Jesus approaches. And, a little later, as he stands before Pilate, we are the crowd calling, "Crucify him!"

At the end of the Christ Hike, after the resurrection, it becomes very quiet as a camp leader speaks about the precious gift of salvation Jesus gave us when he sacrificed his life for us. I remember well holding Kayla that night so long ago--the evening was so still and she was so small and lovely with her dark hair and eyes. It was during one of the quiet times, while the speaker had paused so we could think about what she was saying, that little Kayla spoke out so clearly that nearly everyone heard, "Wasn't that nice of him?"

She was speaking of what Jesus did--and she was only three years old.

"From the lips of children and infants, you, Lord,
have called forth your praise." (Matthew 21:13)

 Feeling very blessed...

Family

I have not written here for a long time, it seems. I have put in a few weeks of work after treatment, so I've been busy. I'm very grateful the Lord orchestrated the opportunity for me to transition to a 32-hour week. I have found I don't have quite the energy I did before treatment, so 32 hours is plenty. I have been enjoying getting back to work, though, and I'm so grateful to have a job I enjoy. The people I work with are wonderful and the work is rewarding. I have found that it helps tremendously to get eight or nine hours (preferably nine) hours of sleep every night. (I have always envied a bit people who can get by on five or six hours a night and still function well...not me! And now I seem to need a little more.)

A recent visit from my sister, Dawn, who lives in Idaho, was welcome--we took a long walk on one of the few nice evenings we have had this season (so much rain). Four (of five) of my sisters and my brother and I met at my mom's home in Casselton. It was great to get together. No one had a camera, of course, so Erik took a couple of pics with his phone. Since one of my sisters, Tammie, is a coast-to-coast truck driver, we don't see her very often at all, so I am grateful for the short visit we had. We missed Candy, who lives in Arimo, Idaho.

The bonds of family are strong. And I think the relationships we have with our family members provide clues to the personal, close, unbreakable bond we are invited to share with our Lord. Of course, family ties do break; I have heard of longtime feuds and parents "disowning" children (whatever that means). But, I believe, those bonds are not broken without pain and suffering, a troubled spirit, and perhaps often, a perpetual sense of something being wrong.

A couple of days ago, I downloaded to my Kindle a book of poems by Christina Rossetti. She wrote "Goblin Market," one of my favorite poems (worth reading). Until I read through it again, I had forgotten one of my favorite quotes is from that poem. The poem is about two sisters..and this passage about sisters is quite wonderful--and true (that spoken by someone who has been exceedingly blessed with five sisters--and a great brother):

"For there is no friend like a sister,
In calm or stormy weather,
To cheer one on the tedious way,
To fetch one if one goes astray,
To lift one if one totters down,
To strengthen whilst one stands."

Feeling grateful tonight...

A Living Hope

Still thinking about Light and my spiritual struggle. And I ran across this excerpt from a very old book by St. John of the Cross called _The Dark Night of the Soul_. It's been awhile since I read the book. (I think I just read part of it--it's a little tough going.) But this paragraph jumped out at me one day, and I sent it to someone in Facebook. Ran across it recently in my message history, and I'm still intrigued by it. (St. John of the Cross was a Carmelite priest, friar, mystic, who lived between 1542 and 1591. I believe he wrote the book--or at least part of it--while imprisoned.)

I am constantly amazed at the parallels between the physical world we live in and the spiritual realm, between physical truths/laws and spiritual truths, and, perhaps mostly, between our earthly/bodily journey and the journey of our soul. Here, St. John describes so well the difficulty with which we pursue spiritual truth and light, while we are bound by--and, thus, naturally apt to interpret our existence and experiences through--our human limitations (physical, mental, etc.) and fallen state (i.e., sin); our bodily senses (what we can physically see, hear, taste, smell, touch); and the external physical world and nature, with its laws and constancy, that we interact with, live with as long as we are alive.

Oh wretched lot of this our life, where we get to know the truth with so much difficulty! since the clearest and most radiant (light) and truth itself, is for us most dark and doubtful; and for this reason we fly from it, being that we have most need of; and that which glitters and fills our eyes with luster, we embrace and follow after, being that which is worst for us, and makes us fall at every step. How great is the fear and danger man lives in, since the very physical light of his eyes which leads him, is the first to dazzle and betray him on his journey towards God. So that, if he would clearly perceive the road whereby he travels, he must, of force, keep his eyes fast shut and go in darkness, so as to be safe from the domestic enemies of his household, which are his own senses and faculties. 

 How ironic this idea seems--that to follow hard after God and His light we must "go in darkness," suppressing our physical senses that deceive us and draw us away from God. We must surrender our will and seek Him and His will for us, embracing (joyfully?) whatever circumstances He brings into our lives.

But, my human nature argues, I am so much in the world! And I so desire and enjoy being comfortable, having my family close, being in my home and having my "things" around me, feeling good physically and mentally, living in a safe environment, having enough money to live comfortably and continue to buy more things, etc. It truly is difficult to put the Lord and the things of God first while living in such circumstances. After all, why would I choose a path of "darkness," to suppress my desires for the things that make me "happy" in this world? And why look upon as my enemies the very possessions that enable me to enjoy this life--my "senses and faculties"?

The answers to my questions, of course, are in God's Word. John tells us not to love the things of the world and reminds us of the temporary nature of the world we love and cherish so much. 

From I John 2...
 ¹⁵ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. ¹⁷And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Although not difficult to read and even to grasp with my human intellect, this command, I find, is not easy to put into practice. And, I believe, not only "not easy," but not possible without faith and without God's Holy Spirit to guide and to help me.

Having recently read in  the Mayo book on women's cancers the chapter on recurring cervical cancer (I had avoided that chapter until now), I must admit I experienced some uneasiness (fear?) and discomfort when I read about the (limited) options available to women when this type of cancer recurs; I was especially daunted by the descriptions of the extensive surgeries that might be done to prolong life, even to prolong it for a short time. When I think about how I struggled through the not-so-difficult and not-so-long treatment program I recently finished--and remember my response to it (not always thankful)--I can't help but wonder (just "wonder"--not "dwell on") how I would fare in more dire circumstances. Would I continue to trust God, to praise Him, to thank Him in all circumstances? I sincerely hope so. I choose today not to worry about the future, to trust God to give me the strength I need in whatever circumstances He allows in my life. And I choose to believe that, in answer to many prayers, He has healed me completely.

As I seek wisdom, God's Spirit will enlighten me. In Proverbs, wisdom (personified) is given much attention:

Wisdom is better than anything I desire. Wisdom calls:
Take my instruction instead of silver,
   and knowledge rather than choice gold,
¹¹for wisdom is better than jewels,
   and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.

We don't have to guess what wisdom is. Many passages in the Word clearly tell us that the fear of the Lord is wisdom, and knowledge of the Lord and to shun evil is understanding/insight (Job 28:28; Psalm 111:10; Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 9:10 are a few.)

I love Isaiah's prophecy about Jesus in Isaiah 11:2:

And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him,the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,the Spirit of counsel and might,the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.

Essentially, what I am seeking is wisdom from God: wisdom to live in this world, with all its vain glories, while at the same time to glorify God with my life, to truly follow Him and worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. . .wisdom to embrace God's will for me and, as Paul learned, to be content in every circumstance: "I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need" (Philippians 4:12).

The Bible contains much direction and encouragement for people like me, people who are seeking God. In 2 Corinthians 4:18, Paul tells us to "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." And, as blessed and wonderful as we find this world, Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 2:19 that "[n]o eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

As I am writing this, I am reminded of Fanny Crosby. I have never read a bio about her, but I've heard about her over the years. She lived between 1820-1915 and wrote over 8,000 hymns, including many well-loved hymns like "Blessed Assurance" and "Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior." She was extensively and passionately involved in mission work during her life, giving most of her money away. And she did all this while being blind since infancy. She recognized the blessing in her trial. One quote that is attributed to her:

"It seemed intended by the blessed providence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank him for the dispensation. If perfect earthly sight were offered me tomorrow I would not accept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been distracted by the beautiful and interesting things about me."

My faith is in a living hope..

I Peter 1:3-9: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.  

So thankful today for God's Word, for godly examples, and for His concern with my spiritual growth.

__________________________
Note: Here is the poem "Dark Night of the Soul." The book expounds on each stanza. Consider the thought, "my house being now all stilled."

Stanzas Of The Soul

1. One dark night,
fired with love's urgent longings
- ah, the sheer grace! -
I went out unseen,
my house being now all stilled.

2. In darkness, and secure,
by the secret ladder, disguised,
- ah, the sheer grace! -
in darkness and concealment,
my house being now all stilled.

3. On that glad night,
in secret, for no one saw me,
nor did I look at anything,
with no other light or guide
than the one that burned in my heart.

4. This guided me
more surely than the light of noon
to where he was awaiting me
- him I knew so well -
there in a place where no one appeared.

5. O guiding night!
O night more lovely than the dawn!
O night that has united
the Lover with his beloved,
transforming the beloved in her Lover.

6. Upon my flowering breast
which I kept wholly for him alone,
there he lay sleeping,
and I caressing him
there in a breeze from the fanning cedars.

7. When the breeze blew from the turret,
as I parted his hair,
it wounded my neck
with its gentle hand,
suspending all my senses.

8. I abandoned and forgot myself,
laying my face on my Beloved;
all things ceased; I went out from myself,
leaving my cares
forgotten among the lilies.

Here is a link to the poem and text of the book: http://www.karmel.at/ics/john/dn.html

Light

When I see people these days, they most often ask me how I am doing and then tell me I am looking good. I've lost quite a bit of weight, so I think that is mostly what accounts for the complement (but then I hear my color is good, too).

I've been thinking lately about how little it matters how I look on the outside. Of course, it's nice to look good, better for my self-esteem, etc., but it really matters little in the great scheme of things. I have become acutely aware of my own mortality and the futility (not to mention the vanity) of trying to look younger as I grow older. My physical self, threatened by cancer, has, in some ways, become less important to me. Doesn't mean I should not take care of myself, but I feel pretty strongly that I should pay more attention to the things of God. Paradoxically, I struggle so with taking time for Bible study and prayer and the associated necessary self-discipline, while at the same time I long for an intimate relationship with God.

I wonder, if I met the Lord on the street, what He would say to me. Since He is much more concerned with the condition of my heart than my physical attributes, would he look at my heart and then comment on what he sees inside me? What would he see inside me? Darkness or light? Truth or deception? Some darkness, some light, some truth and some deception, I imagine. As long as we are in our fallen state, we will not see clearly or have perfect light. Jeremiah 17: 9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

The more we are in God's Word, the more light we have. Interesting--it seems that the more of God's Word we have in us, the more light we have, the more we see the world differently--easier to grieve for others who do not know the Lord, easier to grieve over injustices and wrongs, easier to see what in our own hearts is not in line with God's will for us as his people..rebellion, idolatry. (By "easier," I don't mean it's easy--it's never easy to see others hurting or to see, albeit unclearly, the sin in our own hearts. I really mean we are more sensitive to these things, essentially, the things of God.) The less familiar or immersed in God's Word we are, the more we (I) desire and pursue the pleasures this world has to offer, often putting them before God.

The Bible--Old and New Testament--is replete with references to light, and most of those references point to our Lord Jesus. Jesus is the light. John 1--In him was life and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it (ESV says instead, "the darkness has not overcome it"). Jesus--"the true light that gives light to every man..." John 8:12--Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

I like to think about Jesus being the light of life. "Life" for Jesus--as well as for those who love him--does not mean only earthly life. It means eternity. Death is just a transition to eternal life, eternal light. We can look forward to the day when "the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: 'Death is swallowed up in victory'" (1 Corinthians 15:54).

Darkness is the absence of light. We, on earth, depend on the sun to light our world. Isaiah prophesies that the time will come when

the sun will no more be your light by day,
   nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the Lord will be your everlasting light,

     and your God will be your glory. (Is 60: 19)  

I am so grateful today that God has revealed to me the truth and the light of Jesus. I want more of His light in my life.

2 Corinthians 4:6
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.